Third spaces

In the early 2000s I began hearing about third spaces. The idea is that we all live in basically three areas or spaces that may or may not be geographic. Typically these are seen as home, work, and another place. A third space.

I heard all of this about Starbucks—but I don’t know if it was someone describing the phenomenon of Starbucks being a third space or if Starbucks used this as a part of their branding. Starbucks was for many a third space.

FAMILY

The first space is home, and home brings emotional support and physical safety. This is were we are supposed to be most safe, most supported, and most nurtured. Regardless of the type of family one has, home is the place we are supposed to be safe enough to sleep without fear and be vulnerable without shame.

COLLEAGUES

The second space is work. Work provides financial stability and may as well bring a sense of purpose and connection. Note that when many people answer the question, “What do you do?” they describe their job. Our work is a part of us, both coming out of our self definition (“I like music so I’ll play the guitar”) and being part of our self definition (“I’m a musician”).

FRIENDS

Then there’s space number three. The unique thing about this space is that it is often chosen by us. It is a place that I feel safe, but it’s not home. I feel a sense of connection, but it’s not my job.

Think of third spaces in a tribal environment as sitting around the fire at night with the tribal leaders. After a day of hunting and gathering (job) and before going to bed (home) the people of the tribe talk, debate, flirt, argue, plan, and tell stories.

In Americana, the barber shop or the beauty parlor can be seen places equally about getting a doo as getting the latest gossip.

The traditional pub is a third space. It’s not home, even though family may be there. It’s not work, even if my colleagues are at the bar with me. It has its own rules where we can let our hair down so to speak.

For men until the past 20 years or so, the locker room was the place where men could act freer than in other environments. “Locker room talk” has been a euphemism for simple, harmless banter, regardless of the banter’s result, ever if it is not likely either of those things.

In Protestant America, church is often a third space. The congregation shares rites, but also develops personal relationships. (The small groups movement from the 1990s and later is a good example of programming third spaces for parishioners to feel connected.) Is it any wonder that so many new churches use the word “community” in their names and descriptions?

The development of the mall, an indoor city of shops, is a nod to third spaces.

The television shows Cheers—the place where “everybody knows your name”—was a third space. The bar was the third space for the customers, but also a third space for the viewers who could vicariously have the third space experience right in their own first space living rooms.

More recently, the television show “Friends” showed us all three spaces, but especially the first space—most of the show takes place inside the women’s apartment—and third space—City Perk coffee house.

In third spaces you can have intimate conversations without having the vulnerability of having a person in your home.

BALANCING THE SPACES

All three of these spaces are important, and any one of them can help support you when the others are out of balance.

For example, if the workday was particularly grueling, a professional may find support, comfort, and energy from having dinner with her children. Conversely, she may at times go to work to have a break from her children.

If a man’s home life is strained, he may find solace with his buddies on the bowling team. Then again, he may find support in telling about his wins and losses to his family.

After a long day at the grindstones, how many workers find themselves unwinding in the neighborhood watering hole to unwind? 

THE CHALLENGE OF THIRD SPACES TODAY

From my experience, there are many challenges to having healthy social spaces. Here are three briefly:

When large screen televisions and streaming services became the norm in middle class America, why do we need to go to the movies? Our first and third spaces converged in ways that may not be beneficial.
Shopping has also come home and online, so the mall is less and less of a place for human connection and community experience.
Mixed spaces are difficult, such as the minister whose job (second space) is also supposed to be his third space. Or when we have close relationships at work giving a “work family.”